Does everybody worry about

Does everybody worry about

Being a psychopath

When impure thoughts

Overtake the rational process

And the waffling of an estate agent

With a cheap suit

Toothpaste smile

And Calvin Klien cologne

Brings out the beast.

Biting off a right arm,

The one holding the pen,

(He is a nail-biter,

The stress of a sales pitch)

Painting the floor,

Exchanging contracts

With the wet end.

Being a lion with a loud roar

A bear with a sore head

Dragging out the body

Dropping it in with the trash,

The binmen are due

In the morning.

Walking out into the garden

To stand beneath the tree

Of good and evil

Praying to the god of ‘right moves’

This time will be the last time

You run the gauntlet

Of the property market

With its ups and down

Walk-throughs, virtual tours

And final offers.

GAZZUMPED.

The pompous trill

Of the surveyor

Making an inspection

Of the bedroom

Feels like an intrusion.

An ice pick should do it,

Blunt force trauma.

We all know the drill

Television procedurals

Have made the language familiar

Everybody understands

No matter the narrative

It was

The husband who did it

Or the wronged wife.

Serial killers are all caught in one day

Amazing

And we are all seen

On a surveillance camera

But not in here

The laptop is closed

The television switched

Off.

Just say one more word

About the strength of the market

The value of off-street parking

In a secure location,

The lack of an extra car parking space

And so help me

I will pick up a heavy object.