I remember

I remember

So many things

Some of them not worth

Holding on to,

They might hold on to me.

For the most part, they were unpleasant

Using a bathroom

In a rooming house

With clumps of other people’s hair

Drying

In a cracked basin

Scratchy toilet paper.

Skid marks on the bowl

Hearing the noise of people letting it go

Farting for England,

The smell lingered in the hall.

The sound of masturbation

Wriggling through the walls

Trying to escape the guilt.

The gaggle of girls

Gathered together

Beneath the window

Safety in numbers.

The trail of needles

And condoms

Leading into the shadows

Behind the wastebins.

The journey to work

To face a fat old boss

With halitosis

Envious of youth

Giving out all the crap assignments

To the kids.

The only refuge

A radio

Playing Dvorak and Delius

On the desk next to the drawing board

With everything laid out

Waiting for me to make a plan.

Too many times

Ignoring the signs

Missing opportunities

For want of self-belief.

All of the best women

Were in a different league

Until one day I saw her

Dressed in red to match her hair

And realised

Perhaps they never were,

It was just my lack of purpose.

So much for drudgery

And ill-fitting trousers

Leaving its mark

On the psyche

When the only good I remember

Of those dark days

Is the Dvorak and Delius

Digging me out of a hole

In black and white

Until one day

Out of the blue,

I saw red.