It seemed like a long way

It seemed like a long way

Walking to the shops for groceries

With a note in my pocket

And a few coins…I never held paper money

Until I was older

Mother’s little soldier

She cried when I said I wanted to join the army

I didn’t but it seemed like a way to escape

I never thought of being killed by a sniper

The only bullets I ever saw

Were relics of the war

Skipping through the morning

The smell of blossom

Lingers with me now

Wearing short pants with holes in the pockets

Losing change in the lining

Never fearing for my life

But getting into trouble was a pastime

When fathers were shell-shocked

Unable to cope with little children

Making a noise

Sent up to bed without any toys

When being a child was a punishable offence

And having fun was no defence

Just wait until your father gets home

Could have been written on a card and hung

On the kitchen door

Instead of ‘Mum’s room, a man-free zone’

But it didn’t make me pick up a rifle

Even after humiliation

Paddled for loose bowels

Washed, whilst standing up in a kitchen sink

Arse slapped for the indignity

Dad’s hands were as hard as iron

Until they weren’t

There were war games

Using sticks as machine guns

Making bows and arrows

Lying in wait, to ambush your mates

Throwing snowballs from behind

Each other’s gates

Dying like a Hollywood extra

Face down in the snow

Believing we were heroes

Audie Murphy

Playing himself in a movie

But never dreaming

To Hell and back was

The proper way to go

Walking to school

Was a given

Nobody was ever driven

Or thought of a world full of danger

A sniper in the belltower,

Above the co-op, on the Terrace

Next door to the butcher,

Who hung rabbits in the window,

See how they run,

Angry enough with the world

To steal the life of a stranger

As an expression of individual liberty

And misplaced machismo