It wasn’t me.

It wasn’t me.

Nobody listens to a word I say

Not that I care

So I’ll say it again.

It wasn’t me

Who did any of that

It just happened

And I was in the other room

Anyway

With the door closed

When it all went down

Pulling diamonds

Out of the fire,

Getting my fingers burnt.

It wasn’t my fault

I told them not to do it

It was so obvious

No good would come of it.

Never put your pinky

In a wall socket

Or use a hair dryer in the bath

And switch off the power

Before you put your hand

In the waste disposal.

Don’t you want to strangle

The guy who invented the mangle

Well, no.

It wasn’t his fault

You were stupid enough

To trust a stranger

With a secret.

Are you sure it was a bloke?

Men are always good

At taking the credit

Whilst women pay the full cost

Of bad decisions.

Isn’t that patronising

In an old school patriarchal

Kind of way?

Nobody would question it

In an authoritarian regime

Have I said that before?

Well here’s the thing

It doesn’t really matter,

As what I say doesn’t

Add up to a shilling

Short of a fiver

Which in the olden days

Was an A5-sized note

But is now just the small change

Left on the counter

After buying

A pint of Guinness.