The Seed of Doubt

She laughed.

It was the only thing

She knew

How to do

When they asked.

People never saw

Through it,

Even though

It didn’t reach her eyes.

Pain has become

Too deeply woven

Into the fabric

Of her life.

The smile

Looks warm

To a stranger.

And she survives

On scraps

Of concern,

From the few

Who read the signs.

She wants to smoke,

Draw in,

Deeply.

Fill her lungs,

Feel the ecstasy

Of a nicotine high.

Be ostracised

By the pure of heart.

Forget the rattle

Of death,

For just a moment.

What does it matter?

We all complete

A death sentence,

But hers is short on humour.

As soon as

She heard

The word,

Tumour,

Her brain closed down.

All she wanted

To do was drive,

Hit the black top

And fly,

Right over the edge.

Anything

Was better than

Platitudes.

She had

Grown tired of

Averted eyes,

Mumbled apologies

From the tongue tied.

She felt

As if she had

Already gone.

Even though

They say

She will pull through,

How can she

Believe it.

When what they need

Is for her to comply.

If truth be told,

All she wanted

To do

Was run away

From the

Fear

That whatever they might say

The seed

Of doubt

She had always known,

Had grown.

And she would die.