So many conversations

It is a wonder anybody can follow

Even one

Or that any blessed thing is ever done

With the information

Gathered in the passing

As doors are left open all weekend…

“And yet,” she said, “On the same street,

Further down, opposite the Co-op

Next to the butchers, the good one,

Not the one who buys his sausages in,

Yes Adamson’s, he makes such a good black pudding

My Graham loves it,

The burglars broke in whilst they were all abed.”

“On the other side of the river where the doctor lives

There is talk of a new restaurant, a Thai as if we need one of those here.”

“But I like a good Thai.”

“Oh, I’m not being racist.”

“I’m partial to an Indian.”

“Do you realise that he hasn’t worked in five years

Not a day, but they have just bought a new caravanette

And extended the kitchen.”

“Did you see Mrs Green put up new net curtains”

“I would do the same if I lived that close to a pub.”

“They have their eyes on stalks as they walk past my house.”

“If they spent as much time on their own business

They would be running the country.”

“I’ve got nothing to hide but that doesn’t mean

I want every creepy Tom in the village to

Stand outside

Watching me do the ironing.”

“Bessie still does his underwear.”

“Never.”

“Aye…and his socks.”

‘Gawd some people just make a rod for their own backs.”

“Aye and there’s always somebody who’ll take it from you

And beat yer with it.”

“I wouldn’t stand for it me-self.”

“Me neither, especially when she says he’s no good at the other.”

“Oh my…our Gerty you dirty little thing…you are awful.”

“Bide yerself, Elsie…you know what they say

A little bit of what you fancy.”

“There is very little else to do of a weekend around here.”

“A little home comfort never hurt anybody.”

“Keeps the home fires burning.”

“All the time.”

“The doctor’s wife sometimes sunbathes in the back garden

In the nude.”

“My goodness, Mary…you must have used binoculars.”

“What me? Never.

I can see her through the landing window, as plain as day.”

“Aye, if I stand on my tip-toes I can see straight into next door’s bathroom

Not that I would. I’m just saying.”

“They get in the bath together.”

“So do we.”

“We do it in the shower.”

“Well fancy.”

So much is said it is enough to spin a good man’s head.

It is a wonder any tables are cleared.

When a friendly chat is so much fun.