There was a moment,

There was a moment,

More than one

But this one

This one in particular

When,

Just for a second

It may have been

And probably was

Even more fleeting,

When

With a sudden intake of breath

Held for just a little longer

Than is normal,

An inner light flared

Bright as day

Brighter even

Than a noonday sun in July

White hot

Internally enlightened

Hauntingly luminescent

I remember it

Even now

As a gestalt,

An organised whole

Perceived against the background

Of life

The grey wash

The anti-social

Preponderance of solitude

Self-imposed exile

Insulated insularity,

When my shell was breached

And I felt worthy,

Wholly worthy.

It lasted as long as it took

To question why

What had I done to deserve it?

Rubbed a lamp

Said prayers before bedtime

Practised humility

I need more of that

Way more

Because it no sooner was,

Than it was gone

Leaving me vulnerable

Naked and fragile

Once more

A crab without a carapace

Feeling as worthless as ever

Which in many ways

Of course,

Is just as it should be

The proper

Way of things

If you ask me.

After all,

I am more familiar

With scepticism

Double binds

Partial truths

And second-guesses

Than blind acceptance

And that is for sure.