November 18, 2021Missive

Thursday the 18th of November.

lossgriefnaturemusicmemorytime
  1. 28 am.

It seems so long ago

When a phone rang

On a table in the hall

It was always a bad time

As dinner was served

Or the mood had come upon us

Not the time for speaking

To a stranger about home insurance

When the temperature was high

Enough to melt anybody’s ice-cubes

‘Who was it on the phone?’

‘It was Cecil’

‘What did he want this time?

I remember the last time he called

You spent two hours trying to

Get him to see his way clear

To accepting he might have

Made an error of judgement

In thinking it was right

To demand

To see his child at any time

Day or night

Just because he paid a few quid

Into a bank account every other week.’

‘Perhaps crashing into a family dinner

On a Sunday to make a point

Was a little selfish

Considering he had missed to weekends,

On the bounce because

United were at home.’

‘My good god hun he takes offence

If you try to say there has been good music

After 1975

Was he even born then?

Did he want you to smooth things

Over with her again?

I remember when we had to go halfway

Across London to pick him up

From outside her flat in Brixton

When she wouldn’t let him in

How did he get so drunk

He couldn’t even remember his own name

Or that he had spent the previous night

In a cell

He phoned you from there as well

If I recall

So what did he want?

‘He wanted to come over

And talk about her and the baby

He wanted to try again’

‘So what did you say?

After all, he hasn’t been in touch for months

Not since…’

‘Yes I know…

‘What did you say?’

‘I said it had been a while

He hadn’t called since Emrys’s funeral

When he hadn’t bothered to show up.

My only son...and him supposed

To be my best friend

After all I had done for him and he couldn’t

Even be there to give me support.’

‘So what did he say?’

‘He said he didn’t like funerals.’

‘He said what?

‘He said he didn’t like funerals’

‘The selfish sod...what did you say?

‘That anybody who does is weird

Only undertakers and serial mourners

Who go from one service to another leeching

Off other people’s grief

Enjoy a funeral.’

‘So what did he say to that?’

‘I didn’t give him time to reply

I just said if he couldn't

See the wrong in what he had said

To me

Then he shouldn’t call again

Until he could.’

‘Thank goodness for that.