A piece of ageist fun
A piece of ageist fun
How many years
Before your children
Believe it is time for them
To organise your lives
Take you out
Ask you over
For Sunday lunch
To stay the weekend
Rent a villa in Tenerife
For a couple of weeks
Check the cupboards,
The fridge
The sell by date
Run a finger over a dinner plate,
To see if it is clean, you know what I mean
Asking all the time
If you are getting
Tired of looking after
Such a big old place
Is it time to look for
Something a little smaller, easier to manage
And if you don’t
Answer the phone they worry
When they never did before
And no matter where you turn
Even when you have tried
To use a blind eye
There is no escaping
The retirement plan they have in mind
Just trying to be kind.
Short of sailing
Alone on a hand built raft
Without navigation lights
Or electronic device
Drifting forever until
You beach on a deserted isle
With nothing to wear but
A loin cloth
And a perfect smile,
Heaven sent peace.
But even then you will be found
Cross referenced and tracked
By a google earth satellite
With naming rights
For coves and lagoons
It captures an image
Of you digging for water
With a pair of spoons
And as soon as eggs is eggs
You are picked up
By a steamer bound
For the Seychelles
You always wanted to go there
But not on your own
And once you get home
Safely tucked up
With a TV remote, and phone
They say
It was all just a sign
Of your distraction
It is time to take action
And give you a better life,
In a safe place
With people your own age
So much in common
It is bound to be fun,
So why do they not go
And let you run off
To Gastonbury
And watch the Stones
Perform in wheelchairs.
But they persist
Every Friday the health enthusiasts
And witless fitness fanatics
Go on a run
Well more of a shuffle
But there will be such camaraderie
Afternoon revelry
Music hall jokes
From travelling shows
And somebody on hand to wipe
Your nose
When it all gets too much
And sentimentality
Carries you away
To those halcyon days
When you
Took care of business
Looked after things
The children
Looked up to you
Listened to your words
And on the whole
Behaved themselves.
But now it is you
Who has got too old
So shut up
Put up
And do what you’re told