I remember

I remember

When you were newly formed

Softly wrinkled

With a sublimely rounded belly

Little piggies

Went to market

Some of them never came home

I counted them

Your fingers and toes

Just to be sure

All were present,

How lucky we were.

There is always a pane of glass

Between me and the weather

It travels before me

Preparation against intrusion.

I searched for you

Tried to wash you away

Scrubbed at the scars

Tore at the flesh

In the belief

I could be free

Of sharp edges

And ragged breathing.

The gorse on the moor

Would cut my feet

Scratch at my legs

The river is cold

The stink of mud

Beyond skin deep.

Nothing prepares you

For the aftermath,

The long nights

The lonely vigils,

When the world is frozen.

Ice caps adorn the heads

Of garden statuary

Their goulish appearance

No better in midsummer

When the dream is over.

I remember how it was

Before the end,

When I hadn’t realised

It had begun,

It didn’t feel like a race

Toward conclusion,

So much of life is

Helter-skelter

Sometimes, I yearn

To rewind and rerun.